I’m not a vegetarian.
In fact, I don’t think I could ever give up cheeseburgers which, along with Tostitos brand salsa con queso, are my weakness. (I am partial to the cheeseburgers at The Corner Bistro in the West Village.)
However, the one thing that I had basically decided never to eat again was veal. It’s not easy avoiding veal, because Italian food is my favorite, and veal is often on the menu. I do like the taste of it, but the thought of those poor little calves all tied up, unable to exercise, and forced to drink milk all day, makes me sick. And I don’t want to encourage the demand of that practice, so I don’t order it.
I was in NYC on Monday night and for some reason, I had an intense craving for meatballs. We went to this restaurant on Greenwich Ave. where I knew they had meatballs on the menu (although it wasn’t an Italian restaurant, which was probably a poor choice on my part). Anyway, I look at the menu, and the meatballs they serve are made with veal. I was like, “oh just great.” It was a tough decision, but I broke down and ordered them.
Veal Karma. (that sounds like a dish at Shalimar).
I had the worst stomach flu of my life all day Tuesday. I don’t know if it was food poisoning or not, but the thought of meatballs made me literally throw up over and over and over. It was gross. I honestly can’t remember in the past 10 years of my life feeling so sick.
I tried to sleep it off as long as possible on Tuesday morning because I had to meet my friends/coworkers JC and Conor at the Ikea in Paramus, NJ in order to buy some shelving for Bombers. They had driven the Bombers van 3 hours from Albany to meet me at the Ikea at noon and not showing up wasn’t an option.
So I walked to my car. Threw up outside of it. Got in the car and drove about 3 blocks. Parked the car, got out, and then threw up outside. Drove a mile. Threw up. Repeat for the entire way to Paramus. It was so gross. Even Niko (my dog) who was with me was like, “dude. c’mon.”
Finally I reach Ikea and I don’t take 2 steps inside when the smell hits me. Ikea Meatballs. Normally I can’t shop for 1o minutes without running to the weird Ikea Restaurant and buying a plate of their Swedish Meatballs. But today, not so much. The smell was overwhelming. I didn’t get past Rugs and Textiles before everything came up. I grabbed a simple, modern and surprisingly inexpensive flower vase and got sick in it. Not my proudest moment. But no one saw me and I cleaned it out as best I could in the bathroom before putting it back on the shelf. (kidding).
I couldn’t even finish shopping. I left as soon as I picked out the crucial items, and I left. Thank God it wasn’t worse. I was this close to doing a Friday Poopy all over the aisles. (Sorry, Edna.)
I’ll never know if it was the veal meatballs that came back to get me, or if was just some random 24 hour bout of SARS, but I am definitely back on the veal wagon. I never should have eaten it. And I probably never will again.
I say probably because I am a very very weak man.