So I waited in line last week at the SOHO Apple Store with about 5 billion asian men and women (I’m not sure why it was so Asian heavy, maybe because I was near Chinatown), and I bought a new, black iPhone 5.
It feels lighter and thinner and that’s about it.
The 3D maps are cool, but I had that already with the new upgrade.
The commercials say it’s faster, but it doesn’t really feel that much faster to me.
The screen is bigger, and that’s nice, but if I’m supposed to do a #3 in my pants just because there’s now a 5th row (!!!) of apps on my screen, it’s just not gonna happen. I never watch movies on my iPhone because… well, I’m not a crazy person.
The main reason why I hate this new iPhone is the following….
1. It doesn’t work with the bluetooth in my car. I tried, but for some reason it’s not syncing. This is a big deal to me because, I need to communicate to people all day long. At one point, I said, “Siri, please help me.” and she said, “what would you like help with”, and then I tried to explain it to her, and said, “would you like me to check the web?” and then I told her to lose my number.
2. The charger that comes with my car doens’t fit in the new iPhone because they fucking changed it to that stupid little thing. They tell me I’m supposed to be excited about the fact that the cord can now be plugged into the phone right side up OR upside down. Big whoop.
3. I left my phone plug in Albany, and now I’m in NYC, and I have no where to plug my phone in. None of the 80 white chargers I have fit into my new stupid iPhone, and I just tried going to 2 Apple Stores to buy new plugs, and they are all sold out. So now my phone is dead, and I won’t be able to charge it until Friday night. I am seriously considering being the douche bag who carries around his iPad just for tonight so that I can respond to emails and texts that are coming in re: the restaurant opening next week.
4. Hmmmm, what else do I hate about it. I guess I hate that they are sold out of everything. But at the same time, news reports are claiming that sales aren’t what they expected. But you can’t buy one, so how do they expect sales to be higher if there are none to buy? And if there are more, where are they? Did they misread the market and sent 5 billion phones to Atlantis?
I normally really enjoy the Apple experience, but this is really frustrating. If anyone wants to get a hold of me tonight, I’ll be in 1990.
Slilly
Sep 27, 2012 at 7:07 pm
I’m staying firmly in 2011 with my iPhone 4, it seems fine to me. Please take lots of photos with your iPad (who does that?!) tonight and when you finally find a charger, Frank suggested you might want to pick up an extra one. Or two.
Munson
Sep 27, 2012 at 7:26 pm
You could have easily spared yourself the embarrassment of being that douche bag who carries his iPad around by NOT being that douche bag who waits in a line to buy the exact same phone you already had.
Judy
Sep 27, 2012 at 7:33 pm
Matt,
While I am sympathetic to your situation, I am laughing my ass off! Apple has everyone by the balls. They know how to suck the life out of us with new upgrades, chargers, apps, on and on and on……….I’ll stick with my antiquated blackberry for the time being!
kingsolomon2010
Sep 27, 2012 at 8:05 pm
While its tough to disagree with all of your points, we measured the speed of the 5 against the iPhone 4 at Wollfs Biergarten last night and the 5 is literally ten times faster. Which seems pointless if the battery is dead.
Julia
Sep 27, 2012 at 9:18 pm
So are there 5 billion IPhones at the bottom of the sea?! Haha..great line! What happened to the lost continent has always fascinated me! If it got blown to smithereens then there are no artifacts left to find! Haha..I literally own a phone that is 9 years old! Bwhaha :)
tallguyy
Sep 27, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Give in to google…get an android phone. The galaxy note 2 will be take place of your phone and ipad.
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Craig Patik
Sep 28, 2012 at 7:20 am
The Crossgates Apple Store has plenty of Lightning cables in stock. Yeah, it sucks that they changed it, but it was the first time they’ve changed it in 9 years, and all iPhones/iPads/iPods will use the new connector, which is a lot more future-proof than the old one.
As for the Bluetooth thing, it sounds like some silly setting is off. Ask a blue shirt at an Apple Store. If your old iPhone worked with your car, the new one should too (it’s backwards compatible).
floyd the barber
Sep 28, 2012 at 7:40 am
Matt, let me preface what I’m going to say with this. I like you. I like your blog. I like what you’ve done to the culture of Albany with all your establishments.
But seriously, thats what you get for being a sheep.
I’m an iPhone hater. And I shake my head at all the people who’ve waited in line for…..drum roll please……nothing new.
Android. Samsung. Galaxy SIII.
Jeremy
Sep 28, 2012 at 9:15 am
Android. All the phones use microUSB to charge, google maps works perfectly, and I can change batteries in the event that mine dies.
Kaye
Sep 28, 2012 at 11:32 am
That last line was hysterical. Made me laug out loud. Best part of the whole post was to know your new italian rest is opening up. Can’t wait to go!
Roxy
Sep 28, 2012 at 11:56 am
Thank-you yet again for your ever honest, entertaining posts – I no longer have technology envy.
BTW – great write up in Metroland. Huge admirer from afar.
pull my finger
Sep 28, 2012 at 3:29 pm
With regards to the constant barrage of new I-phones and your frustration with the I-phone 5, if you are looking for sympathy, it is found in the dictionary between shit and syphilus.
turd
Sep 28, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Maps suck also and no YouTube, should have done some research. Apple will not be the same without Jobs.
Zevonsfan
Oct 1, 2012 at 6:39 am
Gee, I’m sorry to hear that Matt. I’m loving my Samsung Galaxy SIII. The microusb cord is a dream come true, as it charges my bluetooth, and my daughter’s cheapo phone. Wait, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you over my free music I had playing on my phone, along with all my free apps.
Rel
Oct 1, 2012 at 11:33 am
It amazes me how many Apple haters are out there; I don’t think any other product is as vocally hated as Apple. Matt, at the end of the day, if you wanted to stand in line and get the new iphone, it was your choice, I don’t see why people give a shit what people do with their time. You don’t have to keep the phone, you have 30 days to either go back to your old phone, or “live” with the issues you have found and keep it.
I hope you all are paying as much attention to the election this year as you are to mobile operating systems.
Munson
Oct 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm
@ Rei: your vote doesn’t count
Claire
Oct 1, 2012 at 9:58 pm
This NEVER would have happened when Steve Jobs was alive!
Tony
Oct 2, 2012 at 8:32 am
On the lighter side:
Part 2: http://youtu.be/kTTSsB92L_s
Part 1: http://youtu.be/FFhjDX-DUew
Enjoy the LULZ!! =D
Rel
Oct 3, 2012 at 11:50 am
@ Munson: Pretty sure you’ve heard this before: You’re an idiot.
Also, please learn the difference between i and l
Poppins
Oct 20, 2012 at 1:48 am
Great point. If you look closely, the casing coating color has start to peel off.
For how sucked it is, iPhone 5S is on the works now. Cross my heart and hope to die.
Baseballbert
Oct 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm
The Nokia Lumia 920 will be a killer phone, should’ve gotten one of those. The iPhone is boring now, and the os needs a SIRIous upgrade!
But as long as the lemmings wait in line, apple will still make lame tech.
Ricko87
Dec 13, 2012 at 9:49 am
My job has provided me with a phone for years so I haven’t bought one in a long while. We always had blackberrys. Last one was a torch9850. Nice phone. Recently they said have an Ipad 3 and an Iphone 4S just before the new stuff came out. What the heck, it’s free. I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re toys. I wouldn’t buy one. Ever. Itunes as file management/backup/restore? Seriously? Until Apple has a real file management tool, it will never be anything more than an overpriced toy. I mean it’s so restrictive. I don’t think the “I” people who have gone all in truly understand that they’re getting screwed by Apple. I’m thinking android based if I ever decide to buy a phone for myself. That google approach is very enticing.
Frank
Dec 14, 2012 at 12:50 am
Where did you hear the term #3? My friends and I have been saying, and taking #3′s for a very long time. Thought it was ours. But seriously, where did you hear that?
C
Feb 15, 2013 at 2:17 am
I purchased an iphone 4s because it works seemlessly with my new pioneer avic z120bh navigations system. After a weak of feeling as if I’m trapped in a cellular full nelson I have listed it on Craigslist. Absolutely and completely dislike this phone. Apple is great for work but for play I like freedom, and I miss the ability to do pretty much any and everything with with ease on my android. Apple does not have me by the balls anymore. It’s called amazon music, and android os. Peace apple. My wife was planning on buying the iphone 5 because like the good people we are we have been stuck with music in itunes that was drm protected. Awesome purchasing music at full price and then being told I can’t play it anywhere but on an apple product. <—– This is the reason why we broke up in the first place. Selfish, digital dictator douche's. Now they finally decided to do the right thing, but it's still a hassle to delete and re-download all the music i've purchased over the years. Goodbye Apple.