Lately I have been not been feeling the blog very much. Â I don’t know why, but for some reason I just can NOT pull it together.
There’s so much going on at the moment, that I don’t even know where to start. Â So I’m just gonna blurt it all out:
(if you care to read about what’s going on in my personal life, “keep reading more”. Â If all you really care about are the puppies, then don’t). Â
All four restaurants (both Bombers, the Biergarten, The Olde English) are doing great, thank God. Â I am in the NYC Gay Ment’s Chorus (which meets every Monday in NYC), I volunteer in the city every Tuesday Â from 9-5 at GMHC, I’mÂ trying to be a good owner to two dogs, Â I have a menswear clothing line in development (samples are in. Â more info to come. very very excited), Â my business partners and I have decided to keep the space that was home to the Miss Albany Diner and that space is currently under construction (concept info to come. Â please don’t ask), the Troy Bombers looks like construction will begin a month or so (very very exciting), Â I’m getting kicked out of my apartment in NYC and have to move within the next 30 days (UGH!), Â I’m trying to tactfully dodge my mom’s italian guilt because I haven’t spent more time with my family, and on top of all that…
…I try to find time to write for Friday Puppy.
I feel pressure to be funny. Â I feel pressure to post interesting articles, I feel pressure not to over-expose myself and come across as annoying and self centered (too late?), I feel pressure to be young and cool, when in reality I am old and my email address is still BurritoBoy and it’s embarrassing. Â I’m almost 40 and I just downloaded Flo Rida and some song from someone named Skrillex. Â What?!!
How do people stay put? Â How do you find content and happiness in routine? Â I have never been able to do it. Â Without constant change, I feel stuck, and then I feel like I am missing out on bigger and better things. Â And then the more I take on, the more stressed I get, and then I drink more, and go to the gym less, and I spiral into a depression and anxiety shit show that takes months of acupuncture and intense masturbation to get out of.
Life should feel good. Â I am healthy. Â I have a loving family. Â I have friends who like me for me Â (I think). Â I am grateful. Â My career is thriving. Â I have hair.
Clearly what’s missing is a boyfriend. Â Or maybe kids. Â Or maybe a new motorcycle. Â Or a new pair of sneakers. Â Maybe a different haircut would make me happy. Â I should buzz it off again. Â It’s almost summer. Â it makes sense. Â Maybe I should get away for a little bit.
I fucking hate vacations.
I hate to say it because i know how it sounds, but in all honesty one of the few things that quickly makes me happy is a very cold, very dry martini (with a friend, not like alone in my house. Â I don’t do that, I swear. Almost never. Â I mean, sometimes, but rarely. Â Like, not even three times a week.) Â My therapist says its because alcohol increases the “gabba” in our brains and it makes us happy. Â Even thought it’s a depressant? Â I don’t get it.
I will try to write more for the blog. Â I know I haven’t been very good about it.
I really respect Kristi
Gustafson Barlette (I really wish you kept your maiden name, btw), and Steve Barnes, and the folks at All Over Albany, and Keep Albany Boring and a few others, because to blog full time must be EXHAUSTING. Â Constantly having to feed the monster. Â And they do an amazing job at it. Â I wish I had the energy and the fearlessness that comes along with proper blogging.
Oh, and the Pink Party is coming up. Â Please buy a ticket.