Lately I have been not been feeling the blog very much. Â I don’t know why, but for some reason I just can NOT pull it together.
There’s so much going on at the moment, that I don’t even know where to start. Â So I’m just gonna blurt it all out:
(if you care to read about what’s going on in my personal life, “keep reading more”. Â If all you really care about are the puppies, then don’t). Â
All four restaurants (both Bombers, the Biergarten, The Olde English) are doing great, thank God.  I am in the NYC Gay Ment’s Chorus (which meets every Monday in NYC), I volunteer in the city every Tuesday  from 9-5 at GMHC, I’m trying to be a good owner to two dogs,  I have a menswear clothing line in development (samples are in.  more info to come. very very excited),  my business partners and I have decided to keep the space that was home to the Miss Albany Diner and that space is currently under construction (concept info to come.  please don’t ask), the Troy Bombers looks like construction will begin a month or so (very very exciting),  I’m getting kicked out of my apartment in NYC and have to move within the next 30 days (UGH!),  I’m trying to tactfully dodge my mom’s italian guilt because I haven’t spent more time with my family, and on top of all that…
…I try to find time to write for Friday Puppy.
I feel pressure to be funny. Â I feel pressure to post interesting articles, I feel pressure not to over-expose myself and come across as annoying and self centered (too late?), I feel pressure to be young and cool, when in reality I am old and my email address is still BurritoBoy and it’s embarrassing. Â I’m almost 40 and I just downloaded Flo Rida and some song from someone named Skrillex. Â What?!!
How do people stay put? Â How do you find content and happiness in routine? Â I have never been able to do it. Â Without constant change, I feel stuck, and then I feel like I am missing out on bigger and better things. Â And then the more I take on, the more stressed I get, and then I drink more, and go to the gym less, and I spiral into a depression and anxiety shit show that takes months of acupuncture and intense masturbation to get out of.
Life should feel good.  I am healthy.  I have a loving family.  I have friends who like me for me  (I think).  I am grateful.  My career is thriving.  I have hair.
Clearly what’s missing is a boyfriend. Â Or maybe kids. Â Or maybe a new motorcycle. Â Or a new pair of sneakers. Â Maybe a different haircut would make me happy. Â I should buzz it off again. Â It’s almost summer. Â it makes sense. Â Maybe I should get away for a little bit.
I fucking hate vacations.
I hate to say it because i know how it sounds, but in all honesty one of the few things that quickly makes me happy is a very cold, very dry martini (with a friend, not like alone in my house. Â I don’t do that, I swear. Almost never. Â I mean, sometimes, but rarely. Â Like, not even three times a week.) Â My therapist says its because alcohol increases the “gabba” in our brains and it makes us happy. Â Even thought it’s a depressant? Â I don’t get it.
I’m babbling.
I will try to write more for the blog. Â I know I haven’t been very good about it.
I really respect Kristi Gustafson Barlette (I really wish you kept your maiden name, btw), and Steve Barnes, and the folks at All Over Albany, and Keep Albany Boring and a few others, because to blog full time must be EXHAUSTING. Â Constantly having to feed the monster. Â And they do an amazing job at it. Â I wish I had the energy and the fearlessness that comes along with proper blogging.
Oh, and the Pink Party is coming up. Â Please buy a ticket.
Jv
Apr 2, 2012 at 5:18 pm
I think your doing great. Change and consistency can both be good and fun. What makes you happy is what you should be doing. Just don’t over do it (sure…) and keep things fun. Once I am able todrink again I’d love to join you for a martini! Super excited to hear about miss Albany and your clothes (crazy but sounds fun). Boyfriend you will find – better not to have one then be stuck with someone who isn’t doing it for you. Relax, enjoy, your doing great!
Bert
Apr 2, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Wow! You were asking those same questions way back when you treated me to dinner at McGuire’s. Can you remember that far back? I still don’t have the answers. At least you are asking the questions. Most poor slobs are not. How does one come up with some “presence” without a near death experience? Or a boyfriend? Or a child? You already are “living like you are dying.” That’s a good thing. First don’t be so hard on yourself. I know, I know you’ve heard that. Second a trip to Utica for family is in order. Or bus them here. Ship them to the Museum for some of the visit so you get a breather. Heaven in now so check with me on current ideas on how not to miss it!
Carlene
Apr 2, 2012 at 6:22 pm
I feel the same way every time you don’t like one of my articles because it’s not awesome enough for your standards…le sigh. :-)
In all seriousness, the hardest part about blogging is being genuinely “you.” It gets tiring, it becomes a chore, and it often becomes invasive. People follow blogs because they enjoy playing voyeur and stepping into someone else’s world (and brain) for a little while. It’s also why everyone loves porn…who doesn’t like peeping on someone else’s sex life? SAME THING.
Chris V
Apr 2, 2012 at 8:32 pm
It seems that it is really hard for successful creative types to stay with one thing for too long, witness many of the great chefs in the Albany area who move on to new gigs. I think it is very impressive that you have done FP as well as and as long as you have and I think you deserve a lot of credit for that.
Kate
Apr 2, 2012 at 10:12 pm
I have been reading FP for awhile now – I migrated over from Kristi of OTE when you had been recognized for your fundraising efforts and Kristi wrote about it. Haven’t left since…
I can’t think of a blog/story that you have written that I have not enjoyed/found funny. And most of those stories have involved Niko or Frank (or just dog stories in general – the whole concept of FP right?). Maybe go back to the roots of FP and write about the crazy things that those two dogs probably do on a daily basis.
I also do not do well with routine – it’s just who I am – I need challenges. Nothing wrong with that – embrace it. There are worse things in life…
I think it’s amazing what you have accomplished – and you aren’t EVEN 40!
G-Dawg
Apr 3, 2012 at 8:19 am
Matt, I have admired your ability to take on projects and ideas that others would only think about and wonder what if….. You need to realize that this is a gift and we all benefit from you taking on new ideas and adventures, that is what keeps me here every day on FRIDAYpuppy, for me it is hoping I will be able to someday be as adventurous as you.
As anyone who knows you knows, you take friendship seriously and treat everyone with respect that is what a friend really is and if you need a little space take it…. we respect that, we will be here………..always. G-Dawg
Ribbon
Apr 3, 2012 at 9:33 am
Matt- you are funny, kind, generous, ambitious, and full of life. I don’t even know you, just read your blog. Can’t wait to see your future endeavors (clothing line, next restaurant etc.) make sure to take care of you (and your puppies), that IS your first priority. Stay sane.
Pingback: Keep Albany Boring » Troy Bombers Construction to Begin Next Month
Kerosena
Apr 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm
“Without constant change, I feel stuck, and then I feel like I am missing out on bigger and better things.”
And yet, there are still only 24 hours in a day. You might think your capacity is limitless, but at some point you hit a wall.
Focus on all of the many, many things you have going on. Don’t add anything new, just maintain and improve what already is. If you continue on your current path, the things you love will suffer.
You don’t have to go on a vacation, but you should really think about cutting some things out. I know you love the chorus, but do you love it at the expense of your relationships with your family and your personal well being? You’ve done a great job of delegating blogging responsibilities, and while your readership really enjoys reading what you write, nobody’s gonna *die* if you walk away for a few.
Don’t hurt yourself (your spirit/soul/psyche) by overextending.
Pingback: Bombers Burrito Bar Is Finally Coming To Troy
Hopeful
Apr 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Matt, you know I’m a long time reader/commenter/fan. All I want is a picture of you once in a while. Please? If you want me to come over and take some, I could certainly do that. Call me.
the Original Colleen
Apr 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm
How to be more content…humm, well enjoy what your are doing, don’t do too much and keep trusted people around you, not people who will tell you what they think you want to hear. Too many people who are “yes” people do nothing but cause more inner strife, but people who tell it like it is will help you stay more organized and productive. Oh and did I mention hang out with me more? Yeah, remember how much fun you had laughing (at) with me? Seriously, laugh more, worry less! Everything will be fine.
Carlene
Apr 4, 2012 at 8:10 am
You have the best readers, Matt. Your Puppiea love you; it’s so cool to see the community and support system you have single-handedly created.
Carlene
Apr 4, 2012 at 8:21 am
Also, to finish my thought (I’m so trigger-happy with the “Submit” button), I’ve found that if a project or idea isn’t flowing naturally, putting it aside until the inspiration starts to flow again tends to be the most successful course of action. @Kerosena made a great point about how you’ve delegated writing to various bloggers…don’t be afraid to take advantage of the system you’ve set up. While you’ve been having a blogging dry spell, I’ve been stockpiling stories and articles because I’ve been hit by the writing wave, and I’m sure some of the other contributors are also sitting on good stuff.
Lori
Apr 4, 2012 at 9:50 am
Matt – I love your blog…I love YOU…even though I have never met you…I love your apartment…I wish I lived there…I love your dogs…I love Bombers…! Everything that everyone else said is true! You are an amazing guy who has done so much for others! You should be VERY proud of yourself! I know many of us are proud of you!!! I do wish you were happier but I think you should take a look at what you DO have and try and be content with it for awhile. Maybe don’t take on anything new for at least a year…finish up some projects…take some time off …”get the hell out of dodge” as they say…take your dogs with you…roll down the windows…and just DRIVE!!! Most of all…let us (your faithful readers) know if there is anything WE can do to help You be happier! I mean it…
Chris
Apr 6, 2012 at 5:14 am
Matt, your a builder and not a maintainer. Yeah! You can hire maintainers. You can bring them in, they thrive on daily grind and consistency. Embrace your strength and embrace theirs and leverage the heck out of both. Build, transition to maintenance and build again. Life is meant to be new and exciting and a little bit risky. Yes, we love the blog but what we really love is a little window in to the perspective of a builder who’s not afraid to shake things up, take risks and not sit in a mould forced on him by his environment. We will wait until the urge to blog strikes you again and love those posts. Until then you’ve got the other bloggers to fill the space and keep us occupied. Move FP specific posts to a maintainer while you develop Monday Cat as another feature or whatever other idea you may have and I know I will be thrilled to read it.
Kristi
Apr 6, 2012 at 11:51 am
Only you can write a post about nothing and have it be something (something enjoyable and funny, I might add).
I said to Steve today “Matt is everything I am not, and yet I am completely enamored by every story he has to share.”
The only thing that would make FP better would be more Matt-authored posts (and more videos of you meeting a puppy at the airport :) ).
Jen
Apr 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Matt, I have been thinking you should meet my friend Justin. He is an amazing person, with a killer body and hilarious personality. Justin is 27; Special Ed Teacher with a crazy obsession with designer sunglass, accompanied by a shitzu he rescued named ‘stinky’ – think about it, email me, blind dates are fun! The worse thing to come out of it, would be a new vodka drinking buddy.