My workout.

By Matt Baumgartner

My older brother David, who has much better hair than me, asked me if I could email him my gym workout because he’s bored with his current workout.

A lot of my friends smoke pot before going to the gym.  Something I will never try because I would be so paranoid I would need a winter mask, Olsen twins sized sunglasses and a burka just to feel unrecognizable, and my burka is made of wool and that would be so sweaty.  gross.

So basically this is how I feel about my workout:

Likes:

• It is a constantly moving workout.  There is no downtime, which (for me) makes it go by faster.  I get bored very easily at the gym, and this workout works well with my ADB (Attention Deficit Blessing).
• You burn a lot of calories during this workout, which makes me feel less guilty when I drink lot of beer and eating a lot of burritos.
• In general, I like this workout because it keeps me trim and feeling happy and healthy.
• When done correctly, you should be in and out of the gym within 90 minutes.

Dislikes:

• All the moving around required by this workout can sometimes make it difficult to occupy a machine while you are momentarily away from it.  Meaning, there’s a lot of this, “excuse me, lady, would you mind if I just finish a couple more sets on here?  And aren’t you a little old to be showing your midriff”
• This workout does not build a ton of muscle.  Combined with all the cardio, it is a workout for a lean, trim workout.  Which you might like.
• This workout is very difficult to do with a partner.  There’s too much bouncing around, and I’ve found that trying to pair up with someone only slows me down.

In order to help you pick out muscle exercise, I recommend downloading an app called iFitness. It’s easy to understand, and has a lot of good ideas for new exercises to keep it interesting.

As soon as I get to the gym, I stretch for about 10 minutes.  You know, shake the ol’ cobwebs out of my joints.   It’s also a good opportunity to check out the ladies at the gym.  Am I right, fellas?   Wasssssup.

After stretching, I start doing my circuit.  Which is basically 5 minutes of cardio, and then one muscle group and one ab exercise.  Followed by another 5 minutes of cardio, and another muscle group and another ab exercise.

Round 1:  Chest

5 Minutes RUNNING on a treadmill.   This should make you sweat.  If you aren’t sweating, you’re not trying hard enough.   That’s just how it is

1. Do a CHEST exercise 15 times.
2. With no break, go right into an abdominal exercise.  This requires you to think about your regimen beforehand.  Standing around sucking your thumb while you think about what you should do next is slowing down your heartrate and makes you look creepy.  Especially the thumb sucking part.  Do this AB exercise 20 times.
3. Do the same CHEST exercise 15 times.
4. Same AB exercise 20 times.
5. Same CHEST exercise.
6. Same AB exercise.

Round 2:  Triceps

5 minutes Running on a treadmill.

1. Tricep exercise 15 times.
2. Ab exercise 20 times.
3. REPEAT both a. and b. TWO more times.

Round 3:  Back

5 minutes eliptical machine.

1. Back exercise 15 times
2. Ab exercise 20 times
3. REPEAT a. and b. TWO more times.

Round 4:  Bicep

5 Minutes elliptical machine

1. Bicep exercise 15 times.
2. Ab exercise 20 times.
3. REPEAT a. and b. TWO more times.

Round 5:  Legs

5 minutes walking on treadmill.  (should be at least 4.0mph and a level 15 or higher.)

1. Do leg exercise 15 times.
2. Do ab exercise 20 times.
3. REPEAT a. and b. TWO more times.

Round 6:  Shoulders

5 minutes walking on a treadmill.

1. Do shoulder exercise 15 times
2. Do ab exercise 20 times.
3. REPEAT a. and b. TWO more times.

I think it’s important to note that you should be drinking lots of water before, during, and after you work out.  This means brining a giant water bottle, not going to the drinking fountain a few times.

I think an actual personal trainer would probably recommend you stretch after your workout, but who has time for that.  Once I’m done, I get the hell out of there.  But if you get sore easily, maybe you should stretch for a few minutes.

I recommend going to the gym at least 3 times a week, follow this workout, and each time choose a new muscle exercise so that you aren’t repeating the same exercise.   You should be able to go at least 2 weeks before you have to repeat a muscle group exercise.

Lastly, when in doubt for an ab exercise, hold a plank position for one minute.  I LOVE that exercise and is a very effective exercise.  Plus, you can do it anywhere.

Good luck!

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