I went out to Jillian’s Saturday night with friends, dancing in the “club” for the first time in a few years. Â I had a rare â€œtwoferâ€ vagina spotting from the same girl (so rare!!!), once when she stood up from a stool and couldnâ€™t shimmy her skintight minidress down quickly enough, and once when she dropped her phone and flashed the entire bar when she bent over to pick it up.
Given that the temperature outside was â€œwinter,â€ Iâ€™m neither convinced about the minidress epidemic sweeping Albany nor going out sans panties. Â If anything down there freezes…I shudder to think. Â Or worse, what if Twofer Girl had to sit in a cab? Â On the seat? Â Without a buffer? Â I just threw up a little in my mouth. Â I hope the poor girl made it home okay.
Speaking of making it home in one piece, my friend relayed a story to me that wins this weekâ€™s Spotted: Bad Behavior Award, summing up our Pearl Street edition.
My friend was at the Pearl St. Pub, outside on the patio looking toward Jillianâ€™s. Â A young girl came stumbling out of the bar in a minidress and no coat, mostly supported by her girlfriend.
â€œCarlene,â€ my friend told me, â€œI donâ€™t know how this girl managed to get this drunk so fast; it wasnâ€™t even 10:30.â€
While the girlfriend furiously typed away on her cell phone, the drunk girl whispered something to her girlfriend and in response was steered toward the bushes next to Jillianâ€™s. Â The entire crowd on Pearl Street watched as the drunk girl hiked up her minidress and squatted â€œbehindâ€ a bush directly next to the outdoor patio.
“I kept hoping that maybe she just needed to sit down,” my friend explained, “but sure enough, after a minute there was that dark stream running down the sidewalk, right in front of everyone.”
While weâ€™ve all drunkenly peed behind a bush at one point or another, most of us have avoided doing it in plain view of everyone. Â It defeats the purpose of the bush. Â Just piss on the street and call it a day.
The girl stood up from her squat and was so inebriated that she didnâ€™t realize she had left her dress shoved up around her waist and (as expected) Minidress + Winter = No Panties. Â She was standing in the middle of Pearl Street, completely naked from the waist down with crowds of strangers â€œhooting and hollering, Carlene, they were just yelling all sorts of nonsense at her, and she stood there looking around because she was too drunk to realize she was flashing her vagina to 100 strangers.â€
After a full minute, the girlfriend finally yanked her drunk friendâ€™s minidress back down, and shortly after that loaded her into a car that hopefully got her safely home, where she hopefully slept it off without any ill effects beyond a total loss of self respect.
Drunk peeing girl, you have won this weekâ€™s Spotted: Bad Behavior Award. Â Congratulations?