A martini is a terrible thing to waste.

Spotted: Bad Behavior Award, Pearl St. Edition

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Jan 24, 2012 31 Comments

I went out to Jillian’s Saturday night with friends, dancing in the “club” for the first time in a few years.   I had a rare “twofer” vagina spotting from the same girl (so rare!!!), once when she stood up from a stool and couldn’t shimmy her skintight minidress down quickly enough, and once when she dropped her phone and flashed the entire bar when she bent over to pick it up.

Spotted: Bad Behavior Award Pearl Street Edition

Given that the temperature outside was “winter,” I’m neither convinced about the minidress epidemic sweeping Albany nor going out sans panties.   If anything down there freezes…I shudder to think.   Or worse, what if Twofer Girl had to sit in a cab?   On the seat?   Without a buffer?   I just threw up a little in my mouth.  I hope the poor girl made it home okay.

Speaking of making it home in one piece, my friend relayed a story to me that wins this week’s Spotted: Bad Behavior Award, summing up our Pearl Street edition.

My friend was at the Pearl St. Pub, outside on the patio looking toward Jillian’s.   A young girl came stumbling out of the bar in a minidress and no coat, mostly supported by her girlfriend.

“Carlene,” my friend told me, “I don’t know how this girl managed to get this drunk so fast; it wasn’t even 10:30.”

While the girlfriend furiously typed away on her cell phone, the drunk girl whispered something to her girlfriend and in response was steered toward the bushes next to Jillian’s.  The entire crowd on Pearl Street watched as the drunk girl hiked up her minidress and squatted “behind” a bush directly next to the outdoor patio.

“I kept hoping that maybe she just needed to sit down,” my friend explained, “but sure enough, after a minute there was that dark stream running down the sidewalk, right in front of everyone.”

While we’ve all drunkenly peed behind a bush at one point or another, most of us have avoided doing it in plain view of everyone.   It defeats the purpose of the bush.   Just piss on the street and call it a day.

The girl stood up from her squat and was so inebriated that she didn’t realize she had left her dress shoved up around her waist and (as expected) Minidress + Winter = No Panties.   She was standing in the middle of Pearl Street, completely naked from the waist down with crowds of strangers “hooting and hollering, Carlene, they were just yelling all sorts of nonsense at her, and she stood there looking around because she was too drunk to realize she was flashing her vagina to 100 strangers.”

After a full minute, the girlfriend finally yanked her drunk friend’s minidress back down, and shortly after that loaded her into a car that hopefully got her safely home, where she hopefully slept it off without any ill effects beyond a total loss of self respect.

Drunk peeing girl, you have won this week’s Spotted: Bad Behavior Award.   Congratulations?



Comments

  • Hopeful
    Jan 24, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Jersey Shore meets Pearl Street?

  • Stephanie
    Jan 24, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Dear God…. This is the worst I’ve heard in a while.

  • Allie
    Jan 24, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Wow, that’s crazy!! Great entertainment though.

  • Lauren
    Jan 24, 2012 at 8:16 am

    My life is pretty sheltered, but is it normal to be going out in public without underwear on? Is it an “easy access” kind of thing?

  • Carlene
    Jan 24, 2012 at 8:27 am

    @Lauren – While it may seem like I’m obsessed with vaginas, it’s actually because I’ve never seen anything like this “no panties” epidemic until the past couple of years. The timeline does coincide with Jersey Shore, though I am not pointing any fingers…

  • Chris
    Jan 24, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Hmmmm, I’d love to see a real girl vagina (better than a stripper) when out and about but have yet to come across this so called “epidemic.”

  • Erika
    Jan 24, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Oh, drunken college days….except you’re right about us managing to find a non-public bush/area to do our business. Not to mention the fact that our true friends would have never allowed us to embarrass ourselves like that. I think this is a combo of Jersey Shore and the fact that these girls were at an age to be influenced by Brittany and Paris Hilton, who were front runners in not wearing panties.
    And, this is an example of why I’m not much of a fan of Pearl Street anymore, but great article, Carlene!

  • Jessica R
    Jan 24, 2012 at 9:37 am

    The subtitle “Pearl Street Edition” seems unnecessary. This would only happen on Pearl Street! ;-)

  • Cheryl
    Jan 24, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Somewhere along the Jersey Shore line, some idiot decided this “pantyless” behavior was sexy. It’s not..and it never will be. People are laughing at you and most likely taking advantage of you. Put some clothes on… be sexy with your mind.

  • Jen
    Jan 24, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Oh college kids, they do the most video-worthy things… I do NOT miss those days

  • Brian
    Jan 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

    You should be up for the “award” as well if you were upstairs in the club at Jillians Saturday Night while Aquanett was playing downstairs.
    Best 80s Hair Cover Band Ever

  • Carlene
    Jan 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

    @Brian: 80′s hair cover bands and I have a long history of not getting along, it’s nothing personal. Find me a Muse cover band or Ten Year Vamp and I’m there. Funny story – when I first got upstairs I thought, “Oh, it’s 80s night up here, too!” and then I realized, no, no it wasn’t. Welcome to fashion in 2012.

  • Carlene
    Jan 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

    @Jessica R: There are many editions of “Spotted: Bad Behavior.” Lark Street, Madison Ave, Uptown, River Street; you name the “spot” and I will spot the bad behavior.

  • -S
    Jan 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    @Carlene: No camera with you? I see some opportunities here (though now I turn my goddamn flash off).

  • Jon
    Jan 24, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Oddly enough, I’ve never come across this type of behavior on Madison Avenue (further uptown). Something to look forward to I suppose.

  • dasmb
    Jan 24, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    I know one girl who wishes she could “turn her flash off.” Oh!

  • JB
    Jan 24, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Aquanet is the best name for an 80′s hair band cover band ever.

  • Lucy
    Jan 24, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Reason number 183746282 why I dread going to Pearl St other then happy hour! I laughed so hard reading this I nearly peed in the middle of my living room ;)

  • Jon
    Jan 24, 2012 at 11:45 pm

    @Lucy- at least it wouldn’t have been in the street!

  • Claire
    Jan 25, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Carlene, you rock! This was great!

  • Amy
    Jan 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Sadly, this doesn’t only happen on Saturdays.

    I was leaving Jillians on Thursday after my friends’ band Wild Adriatic (shameless plug) played. We were saying our goodbyes and noticed a line for a club (seemingly unmarked) nextdoor. GIrls were lined up practically in their underwear after the snow had just fallen.

    We got to watch one girl – in what some clothing company apparently sold as a dress, I’d sell it as a sock – fall into the snow, walk away ashamed, then realize she had to come back to collect her things that had fallen out of… her underwear? Her vagina? Where does one store their cell phone and money when dressed like that?

  • Carlene
    Jan 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    @Amy – I love Wild Adriatic, I saw them play with The Asteroids Galaxy Tour and they were great. I believe the club next door is “R Bar,” which is in fact where our “Bad Behavior” award-winner had emerged from. As for where do people store their goods…I don’t think I even want to know.

  • Carlene
    Jan 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    @Claire: Thanks! :)

  • Kerosena
    Jan 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    “I’m neither convinced about the minidress epidemic sweeping Albany nor going out sans panties. If anything down there freezes…I shudder to think. Or worse, what if Twofer Girl had to sit in a cab? On the seat? Without a buffer?”

    -Not a new epidemic sweeping Albany! Back in the earlier days of the big Pearl Street bars (late 90′s-early 2000′s), my friends and I called micro-minis “STD Skirts” Wearing them and sitting on a barstool is the perfect way to both give and receive.

  • Carlene
    Jan 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    @Kerosena: Just said it’s an epidemic, not that it’s new. Let’s call it an epidemic “back in vogue.”

  • NotSoNice
    Jan 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

    It isn’t just 20 something bar hoppers flashing their vaginas.

    My husband and I had a vagina sighting at Mohawk Commons parking lot. A woman in her 40s wearing a dress probably meant to be a tunic, flashed her vagina as she was getting out of her minivan. And I am sure everyone in PetSmart had a sighting as well as she shopped. Maybe my sighting is related to Twofer!

  • cac
    Jan 26, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    I was recently shopping at Hannaford Clifton Park, when in walked a girl, probably around 15, with her mom. She lifted up her top in order to adjust her black tights, that she was wearing as leggings. As she pulled them up, she stretched them to their full see through potential. I, along with everyone else in the cereal aisle got a full frontal surprise. Very, very wrong. Note to girls everywhere…invest is some leggings, tights are not leggings…and while you’re at it…put on some panties.

  • Christy the homebirther
    Jan 30, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Vagina always gets the comments. Nice.

  • Carlene
    Jan 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    @Christy the homebirther: I must bow to the original Friday Puppy vagina queen!

  • Sk8rgrrl99
    Feb 1, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    I hope she didn’t get pregnant crossing the street.

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