In an election year, things can get sticky, and I’m not just talking about Santorum. The Economy, The Middle East, Wall Street, what will happen to Tina Fey’s Q Rating if Sarah Palin isn’t running… The list goes on and on. One thing America will forever remain divided on though, regardless of who sits in The White House, regardless of The War on Terror, regardless of whether or not me and the Hot Canadian can get married (come on already DOMA! Really?!?), is a little thing I like to call Gwyneth Paltrow.
Gwyneth Paltrow divides a conversation like Moses through a street puddle. I’m here to settle the debate folks, she’s fucking perfect. Yes, her website is woefully out of touch with the 99%, she pissed of the Plath daughter royally, and lets face it, Coldplay kind of sucks now. But lets get down to brass tacks: She looks good, she has impeccable taste and every girl, whether she admits it or not, would give anything to be Margot Tannenbaum, if not just for a day.
So, herein lies the issue. Gwyneth Paltrow did an ad campaign for Coach. Now, I don’t want to talk smack about Coach, I am sure 103% of the women who read this blog, and a solid amount of dudes, have something Coach in their hand right now. (That’s not what’s in my hand right now, but I’m sitting at my laptop, Zing!) However, over the last 15 years Coach has managed to bastardize what used to be a seriously great American brand and turn it into a cheap fabric charm factory ruining the world with wristlets. (Ladies, that thing on your wrist? Its fucking up your slutty bar outfit, see my previous post about buying a fucking clutch, and if you need a special pouch to carry your digital camera to a bar, then let me tell you that you and your kind single-handedly ruined Facebook).
I love Coach, my mom has some old great leather Coach bags made in America, and I see a lot of crazy stylish local gals wearing these late 80’s/early 90’s relics now and they look so chic. And while I can appreciate the appeal of the new wave of painted and logoed bags, I sort of see where Reed Krakoff keeps trying to polish the proverbial turd. And now, G-Dawd is hawking them, and not even with the gonads to do it in her homeland. Needless to say, I’m conflicted. According to press, ‘Gwyneth is shown posing with the Willis and Madison Lindsey bags – two of her personal favouritesâ€. Really? You think she dropped the chance to throw down some Balenciaga or shove a Birkin in the crook of her elbow and instead grabbed a bag off the shelf of any mom in Clifton Park? Um….
I’m pretty sure she did it for the paycheck, its not like Bey and Hova were registered at Babys’R’Us.
RoxyC
Jan 19, 2012 at 10:40 am
I’m a mom from Clifton Park and the only bag you will see on my arm is the hockey bag or snowboard bag.
Hopeful
Jan 19, 2012 at 11:01 am
If I had a girl crush, it would be on Gwyneth! Or Carrie Underwood! Love that you used the word “logoed”. It’s just so cool to say. I own nothing Coach and wouldn’t even know a Coach if it fell into my lap. Clifton Park….where’s that?
jacky
Jan 19, 2012 at 11:43 am
some poetry for your paltrow:
Now they want to make a film
For anyone lacking the ability
To imagine the body, head in oven,
Orphaning children
[...] they think
I should give them my mother’s words
To fill the mouth of their monster,
Their Sylvia Suicide Doll
f.hughes
Maggie
Jan 19, 2012 at 6:11 pm
I adore Gweneth Paltrow. She is one of my favourite people on the planet. I like to think that in another world her and I would be best friends. We would do Tracy Anderson workouts together and then go shopping at J.Crew where I’d hook her up with my sweet employee discount. Can you see it, Eric?
My name is not Jenna
Jan 21, 2012 at 8:43 am
Coach wristlets are worn by the same girls who wear Uggs, leggings and a North Face jacket. ick.