Yesterday, someone stole my Weber Genesis grill right out of my back yard.
Jerk.
Every time someone steals something from my house, I kick myself for not building that moat. Â I mean, who would have the balls to steal someone’s grill?! Â A grill feels like such a personal item. Â It would be like someone stealing my toothbrush. Â (For the record, you can steal my floss. Â I never use that stuff. Â How can anything that makes your gums bleed that much be good for you?)
You can also take my coffee maker, my Advil PM (that stuff is the devil’s work), my Soloflex, my skinny jeans (don’t have the legs for them), and while you’r’e at it, you can take my Dexter: Â Season 1 and 2 DVD set. Â I can not get into that show. Â I think there’s some straight porn near the Dexter DVDs. Â Take those, too. Â Gross.
Although, my Aunt Pam says that a problem is not a problem if it can be solved with money. Â Not that she’s a Rockefeller or anything, but rather, there are real problems in life, like sickness or death, that can’t be fixed with a bank check. Â So when I hear that my grill was stolen, yes it sucks, but I’ll find another one on sale. Â At least I have my health, my family and my friends.
…and a beautiful, pair of size 10 1/2 Gucci leather shoes that I planned on wearing with the aforementioned skinny jeans… if anyone wants them.
Christy
Sep 7, 2010 at 10:58 am
I like this picture a lot, it reminds me of my childhood.
How does someone walk away with a grill as large as yours, quietly? I agree with your Aunt Pam too. I also agree with Tom Moore, who says that his bank check to the funeral parlor should bounce. Just live your live, ay ay ay ay ay ay.
Jeff
Sep 7, 2010 at 11:02 am
that sucks matt – thats a good grill too — probably why they took it, that and because they’re scumbags. I keep my grill in my garage, not only for safety but so it doesnt get wet and rusty. You should fence in your whole yard and put locks on the gates.
G-Dawg
Sep 7, 2010 at 11:18 am
Yes, I agree with “jeff” a fence with a gate, I think a black aluminum (looks like wrought iron fence without the maintenance worries) with fleur de leis points on top and a cool artsie gate would make a great addition to your beautiful yard, and keep the scumbags out, it would keep Niko safe too ! !
@Christy, yep, thats how Tom Moore would say it ! !
DB
Sep 7, 2010 at 11:23 am
Don’t trust the French
Wendy
Sep 7, 2010 at 11:35 am
That stinks, Matt. Who would think of locking up their grill. Jerk is right. Hope your labor day weekend was still nice though.
Amy
Sep 7, 2010 at 11:59 am
Thank God, someone else who can’t get into Dexter! Every time someone asks if I watch Dexter and I respond, “No, I just can’t get into it,” I get this look that says, ‘What’s wrong with you?!’ Not everyone on the planet watches or likes Dexter!
Kait
Sep 7, 2010 at 12:25 pm
I’m sorry. That’s too bad. Maybe someone will return it like they returned the pigs!
Hopeful
Sep 7, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I could come over and watch all your stuff….
Scott H.
Sep 7, 2010 at 3:10 pm
The reason why your gums bleed is because you’re not flossing. If you floss regularly, the bleeding will stop. It isn’t about the pretty picture anymore, Matt. Your teeth are incredibly important to your overall health. Not to mention helping rid yourself of any possibility of bad breath. Bleeding gums are a sign of gingivitis and the best way to combat that is by flossing. You’re an attractive guy (as if the world doesn’t know that). It would be a shame to find out you’ve got shit-breath. Or worse yet, rotting teeth.
Not to lecture. But if you’re going to throw this kind of negative vibe about flossing out there, someone should mention the facts.
Kate
Sep 7, 2010 at 3:45 pm
I HATE THAT PICTURE! It gives me the heebie jeebies!
On a side note, sorry about your grill! That sucks!
BettysDaughter
Sep 7, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Oh man, and I was going to bring over some nice steaks tonight too…oh well, maybe next time.
Justin
Sep 7, 2010 at 7:33 pm
I’ll take the shoes. Ya know what they say…if the shoe fits, wear it. :-)
Happy
Sep 8, 2010 at 7:39 am
-I couldn’t get into Dexter either, don’t get the hype about it.
-flossing sucks, I would rather my gums bleed quarts of blood then deal w/that skinny waxy mess.
-getting robbed sucks also. I once worked all summer waitressing at Ponderosa (yup) when I was 17, and by waitressing I mean manning that gross salad bar.I saved $900, all ones, in a shoebox in my closet. It was stolen. What’s sad, it was by people I thought were ‘friends’, couldn’t charge them with it, but they knew where it was and living in the country, our doors were not locked :(
EJH
Sep 8, 2010 at 11:53 am
I was going to call dibs on the shoes. Though my other Gucci’s are a 10, I can just stuff the ends. Like Christy’s bra.
Summer
Sep 8, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Someone came up onto my back porch and stole a belt sander a few weeks ago. It was stolen the DAY AFTER we borrowed it from a friend to refinish our porch. Grrr. I have a grill too…perhaps I need to chain it to something.
Sam
Sep 8, 2010 at 6:17 pm
I feel for you. Here is what I recommend.
1. Anybody who has a barbecue stolen from their yard lives in a high crime area. Invest in security infrastucture. Or….
2. Buy a charcoal grill. Cheap, manly and tastes great. Expensive models cost $150. Yes there is the carcinogen issue, but tofu doesn’t get grilled…
Kerosena
Sep 9, 2010 at 3:58 pm
What a bummer. It’s just not fair. “Happy”s story broke my heart.
Also, I was really anti-floss until I started using those pre-threaded floss picks. No more bleeding!
cloudmystic
Sep 9, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Regarding the floss, Scott H is right. You must get to a dentist ASAP and be evaluated for any signs of periodontal disease.
Matt Baumgartner
Sep 9, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Geezus… the floss comment was a joooooooke.
The Original Goose
Sep 10, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Straight porn…YESS!
Although, I’d rather have a perfectly grilled NY Strip.
Bastards!
Edna
Sep 10, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Matt take care of the only grill you have left,ha.
sdfdfffe
Nov 1, 2012 at 8:04 am
your article is good
replica oakleys>